E's Tales of Wonder :D
by R and E
Summary: Rated T because... Well it's Death Note, and for my potty mouth. o3o'R&R! Or Mello, my big brother, will come to your house in the dead of night...AND STEAL YOUR CHOCOLATE. D: Oh noes.
1. Chapter 1

E here :D this is just gonna be a bunch of one-shots and stuff, I get bored easily X3

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~~How to annoy: the Yagami family! X3~~

**Light:** Call him "Kira" instead of Light

**Sayu:** comment on how she looks like an elementary schooler when she's really in high school

**Light:** tell Sayu where Light's _real _diary is (the Deathnote) and how to get it

**Mr. And Mrs. Yagami:** Tell them that they found some kind of illegal drug in Light's locker

**Soichiro:** talk about his mustache a lot; but refer to it as 'the caterpillar on Chief Yagami's lip' and say its eating his soul

**Light:** put LxLight yaoi on his computer

**Light: **constantly tell him Kira is a girl's name

**Soichiro:** E-mail LxLight yaoi to him using Light's account

**Light and Soichiro:** Run around HQ yelling, "Light Yagami is Kira!" repeatedly

**Soichiro:** (goes with previous one) when you pass him say loud enough for only him to hear: "and he's also gay!"

**Sayu:** put her on a blind date with Light

**Light:** (with above) yell very loudly across the restaurant, "Light, she's your sister, for God's sake!"

**Light:** Put him on a blind date with Matsuda. Or L. Or Mello! (may annoy other person as well)

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Please review! It'll give me ideas! And you get cake! Owo If L doesn't eat it all first… BAD L! L: But I want cake D:


	2. THE GAME btw, u just lost

Didya like my last chapter? XP Light: ¬_¬ I FUCKING HATE YOU BITCH!  
E: Language Light!And I hate you too. Light: *takes out Death Note* E: you dun know my real name! :P Light: *glares* ¬_¬ E: Mmkay, this one is a one-shot. ^_^'

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"IT'S A TRAP! A SETUP!" Light yelled, losing his calm and collected composure. He wrenched himself from his fellow task force members, and slammed himself into a wall. _I like this wall, _he said to himself. _His name will be Bob, and we will rule the new world together! _:D

"It's over. You've lost the game." Came a monotone from across the room. Near.

"NOT THE GAME! D:" Light screeched. He immediately turned. "I HAVE LOST THE GAME!!!!" He yelled to everyone who cared.

_Bang. _"You're always going on about this _game_—" "I LOST THE GAME!!!!!!!!" Matsuda ignored the caramel-haired psycho and continued. " NO ONE CARES!!"

Light looked over at the albino, who was as emotionless as ever. _He made me loose the game… _He clicked open the compartment of his watch and started writing. _N-A-T-E…R-I-V-E-- Bang bang BANG! _D:

"_GOD!!! D:"_ This outburst was followed by a sudden _spurt. _Mikami had gotten the point of his pen into his vein.

Light used this as a chance to escape. He ran down the road, yelling "I LOST THE GAME!!" to all passers-by.

_Damn, he's annoying. _Ryuk was sitting on that tower-thingy. He slowly wrote down a single name. _Light Imag—I mean Yagami._

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AND NOW YOU KNOW THE TRUTH!!! :D Light: it did not happen like that. E: SHUT IT, IMAGAY!!! :P Light: *Kira glare* E: Ooh, Kira glare! That's a new one!

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The next on will be one of them how-to-take-care-of-your-character thingys. Review with who you want and some FAQ's! ^-^


	3. How to Care For Your VERY OWN MATT!

E: Okay, by popular demand, (AKA:I only have one reviewer) I'm doing Matt! Yay! :D And Savannah, I don't think Matt has photophobia; video game screens are bright sometimes. ^-^' But video game addiction is classified as a mental disease in Korea. X3

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Congratulations on your purchase of your very own Matt!

Everyone's favorite redheaded minor character comes with:

Nintendo DS & Wii

All Playstation systems (how many are there? I'm more of a Nintendo person myself)

The entire Pokemon collection

The Cooking Mamma video game series

Guitar Hero collection and accessories

Other assorted video games

Orange-tinted goggles

9 striped shirts

9 pairs of jeans

9 fuzzy vests :3

A pair of black Airwalk shoes (I paid no attention to his shoes in the episode D:)

A puppy plushie

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When you receive your Matt, please offer him a potato chip. You may have received a Light by accident; they sometimes find the status of their fangirl hoards are diminishing and dye their hair, wear goggles, and start playing video games. If the potato chip is eaten epicly, please send him back, as he may _look _like Matt, but is still a psychopathic murderer.

It is preferred that you also purchase a Mello, as he and Matt are best friends. If your Matt becomes depressed, it is recommended.

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Matt's relationships with others:

Mello: Matt's best friend, the most important thing to him. (Apart from video games.)

Near: Matt does not have anything against the (A/N: bestest ever till the end of time) albino, but avoids him because he is Mello's rival.

E: Mello's sister; often avoided because of her close friendship with Near, and her habit of staying within a foot of the albino.

R: Matt's younger sister; he will normally prefer to talk her to Mello when having problems, as Mello will call him gay, and ask him if he's joined the Twilight fan club yet.

L: Matt's mentor; he looks up to L and will some times come to him when struggling with homework.

Light Yagami: …Guess.

Misa Amane: has been deemed by Matt 'Kinda cute.' But is still a Kira. ;A;

Kiyomi Takada: KEEP BOTH MATT AND MELLO OUT OF CONTACT WITH THIS UNIT, AS IT WILL LEAD TO CERTAIN DEATH oAo

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F.A.Q

Q: Matt has retreated to his room, and sometimes won't come out even when I call him for dinner!

A: this is perfectly normal, though you may want to check on him, if he is playing video games, leave him be, lest you get a cold and distant Matt because you MADE HIM DIE! D: *Gasp* what's wrong with you !? If Matt is in an emo corner, or in any way acting depressed, BUY A Mello, PLZ.

Q: Matt has been acting strange lately, he is talking to his stuffed puppy a lot.

A: A certain blonde (AKA Mello) has just died. Please help Matt through this. Buy him new video games, and stay away from chocolate for a while.

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ALSO AVALABLE:

Yaoi Matt: if you are a yaoi fan, then um… woo? [WARNING! THIS PRODUCT HAS BEEN RECALLED BECAUSE OF MANUFACTUER'S HATE OF YAOI]

"Boyfriend" Matt: For the overly obsessive fans.

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E: Yay! ~^-^~ Matt: so now you're SELLING us? E: …maaaaaaaybe~ Matt: WHY!?!?!? ;A; E: Fangirls think you're smexy. Matt: Really!? :D E: *nods*

As always, review! If you do, I'll push Light off a cliff! AND HE WILL BE SAVED BY AFRO-MAN! :D Oh and you get tto throw candy at Light in Heaven!With L! And Matt! And... Mello. Light: why do you hate me? E: BECAUSE YOU KILLED L. AND MATT. AND BIG BROTHER. Therefore, **YOU FAIL**.


	4. Aizawa's Afro Saves the Day! :D

E: Ooookay! Lyke, Hai thar. I was gonna do this forever ago (May 11, to be exact.), for Afro-man's birthday, but got groundeded. Because of my math. D: I actually CRIED when I realized I wasn't going to be able to do this on Aizawa's birthday. I love you guys; see? Well, ON TO THE STOREH!

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Misa and Light were in confinement, as well as Soichiro. Aizawa's afro twitched as it heard something, using its mind reading powers. "What's that, Afro?" Aizawa said. Afro whispered it to her (yes Afro is a girl! o0o) master again. "Everyone, Afro says that Light is thinking Kira-like thoughts." Aizawa blurted. "Really?" L said in a monotone that _almost _said, "I really don't give a shit." "Mhm," Aizawa stated, "Afro, don't use your X-ray vision like _that!_" Afro blushed at this comment. "What? What is it?" Soichiro asked, as a certain person (AKA Matsuda) was pressing down the button to his cell, (on "accident") letting Soichiro in on the conversation. "Well, Afro says your son…um…well…err…" Aizawa stuttered. "Get on with it!" Soichiro shouted. "Afro says your son _has a small one._" Aizawa said. Soichiro stared at the floor. "Its hereditary." "…"Came the reply. Oh, and Light was convicted as Kira. And Soichiro actually killed Light, but not himself. Woo.

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E: Well there you go! ^~^ *Hugs Aizawa*Happy belated birthday, Afro-man. Aizawa: … Afro man? WTF. Matsuda: Aizawa, Your afro is a girl! :D Aizawa: ¬_¬ E: XD Hey Kira, guess what? Light: *ignores* … * takes out Twilight and starts to read* E: TWILIGHT! You_ read _that gay shit? Light: It's not gay. Sayu: Yes it is. Light: ¬3¬ E: Oooh! That just gave me an idea for a story! ^-^ ( no offfence to Twilight fans, I just _really_ hate it.)

Love, from E. .____.


	5. Light's a Twitard

E: This one is dedicated to Twitard! We loves you, Kassandra! XD Kassandra: Love… TT^TT E: ¬_¬ I forgot about that…*sigh* C'mere Twitard… *hugs* Kassandra: Don't call me that! ¬_¬ E: okay, Barbie. *smirks*

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"Team Edward!"

Team Jacob!"

"Edward!"

"JACOB!"

"SAYUUUUUU!" Light screamed. His sister ran into the room.

"What is it?"

"Who's better? Edward or Jacob?"

"Really, Light? Just when I convinced myself you weren't gay…"

"WHO'S BETTER!"

"If I had to pick, Jacob. At least he doesn't sparkle." Sayu smirked.

"HA!" Misa yelled.

"Oh, shut up, Misa."

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. _ . E: yeah… ^-^' Sooooo… That's it. Yeah, I'll make more manuals, once I get some FAQ questions from you guys. ._. (I just said Frequently asked questions questions XD)


	6. New storeh!

E: hey y'all! Ima gonna update a new story soon, And I'm giving you guys a few lil' snippets! ^U^

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Funny Scenes:

Hidden meanings (Mello's POV)

"No, Near should be the new L. He can control his emotions better than me." I said. And it was _obvious _that I meant, "Fuck Near, I'm catchin' Kira by myself!"

E: Of course it was. .

Yeah, _again. _(neighbor's POV)

"There's a fire at the Keehl's place." I spoke into the phone, "Yeah, _again._"

Serious Scenes:

Love (Near's POV)

She had paused her music. Which she hardly did, unless she didn't want to scream when she talked.

I was listening intently. And she whispered some thing. "I-I love you, Near." Was what she said.

And I realized, _I loved her back._

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E: ;A; I might add more later. ^^ Oh, and I got a review that I appreciated very much:

DevilsDancerXxX

Hilarious~ ^^ These make me laugh no matter how many times I read them

I never really thought I was all that funny, actually. I just do these for fun. People enjoying them is a bonus teehee~ ^_^

Muchos luffers from E.


	7. How to take care of Mikami

E: Hi! :D I am a very bored cripple right nao. :C Sooo, I did this! :D

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How to care for: Mikami

This delete-happy Kira worshipper comes with:

1 Deathnote

1 briefcase

9 suits

! pair of glasses and a back up pair

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Please note that your Mikami is certifiably insane. Odd behaviors are the norm for this unit.

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Relations:

Mello: He despises him, as he does all the other Whammy's children.

Light Yagami: Mikami sees this unit as God.

Misa Amane: Mikami is jealous of this unit.

Kiyomi Takada: These two seem to be close, but Mikami secretly hates her.

Near: Contact between a Near and Mikami unit will result in the Mikami unit's arrest and/or death.

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FAQ

Q: My Mikami is writing in a strange black notebook and muttering, "delete" over and over what should I do?

A: This is normal and cannot be stopped.

Q: My Mikami's obsessive stalking annoys my Light unit; how do I make Mikami stop?

A: You can't.

Q: Why is Mikami calling me "God"?

A: Do you look even remotely like Light? If so, it's normal.

Q: My Mikami left one day talking about "helping God" And he never came back. Where is he?

A: Your Mikami has come in contact with a Near unit (see: relationships) Please send us a notice if this happens, we will refund your purchase or give you a new Mikami absolutely free.

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Also Available:

Yaoi Mikami: Only to be paired with a Light unit{RECALLED}

"Boyfriend" Mikami: O.o… you have fun with him.

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E: I NEED REVEIWS AND FAQ's FOR MELLO! ;A;


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